Men Women Jokes

• If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

• If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Dickhead and Shit for Brains.

• When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50.  None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

• When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

• A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

• A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.

• A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.

• The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337.  A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

• A woman has the last word in any argument.

• Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

• A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

• A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

• A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

• A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

• A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

• A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.

• A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

• A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

• Ah, children.  A woman knows all about her children.  She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

• A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

A married man should forget his mistakes.  There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing!

SO, send this to the women who have a sense of humor and who can handle it …. and to the men who will enjoy reading it.